A Child's Space & Respect

This is a lesson that helps children understand respect, and courtesy for space.  This is awesome for getting all those things off your floor that your child spreads out.  It also helps the child feel like they have some control of their environment.

In a Montessori lesson in the classroom there is almost always a rug.















This rug is put on the ground (sometimes we use small ones that can be placed on a table) and unrolled, then the space on that rug is that child's space.  If they need more space they can add another rug, but their works need to stay on their rug.  This way they child can choose where they work, in that little patch of sunlight, or in the same area as a friend or next to a window where they can see outside, etc.

This is a great way to do this at home as well.  First all your child's things stay on a little carpet instead of all over the place.  Next that rug is the child's space and no one may touch it, or step on it, or play with anything on it, unless they get permission from that child.  It gives the child some control of their environment, it makes them feel like they can create and work, and no one can ruin or mess up their work.  It helps them focus.   Also since they only have a small space, unless they lay out more rugs, they have to clean up first to get something else out or it gets too crowded in their space.

There are so many interesting small things in a Montessori classroom and the children want to touch and use everything!  When they first come in to the classroom they have to learn to respect other children's space.  They will see a child working on something and it is natural for them to walk over and touch it or try what the other child is doing.  In a Montessori classroom you will frequently hear the other child say something like: "this is my work, please wait until I am finished to touch it," or "if you want to work with me will you please ask me first," or "please don't touch my work but you can watch me if you like."

You might think that this does not go along with teaching a child to share and be social, but in all actuality it is much more realistic to life. It also show's the child the same respect that we as adults expect.  Can you imagine if you were working on a computer at the library and someone came up and just started pressing keys on the keyboard.  What if you complained to the owners of the library and they said "you need to learn to share."

This is what we do to children all the time, they are learning and using some object or toy, possibly creating or figuring out something really important in their mind, another child comes over and starts breaking the block tower they built, or coloring on a paper they just made a masterpiece on, or even just bothering them so they can't concentrate.  They come to us and tell us what happened and we as adults tell them, you need to learn to share.  How Rude!  We expect respect and to be able to work in our own space as adults, but we usually don't give children that same respect.

As an adult if someone touched what we were working on, especially if it was just a curious child, we would probably use the same words that a child in a Montessori classroom would use.  "This is my computer, please wait until I am finished to touch it," or "if you want to work with me in my space will you please ask me first," or "please don't touch my project but you can watch me if you like."

We are not teaching the child to be antisocial, we teach them to have respect for them self and for others.  We teach them that what they do is important and that they have a right to not be interrupted.  We teach them that they need to ask someone first, if they want to join them in doing something.  It is just basic respect that we anticipate others will give to us as adults.  We try to teach children to give us that respect, but it is rarely given to them in return.  They learn it so much more quickly if you let them feel what it is like to have that respect.

When we teach them polite ways to communicate with others, they will amaze us.  It is incredible to see a child be bothered by something and instead of running to the nearest adult to solve the problem, they politely work it out with the other child.  We give them so much power and control when we teach them the skills to solve problems on their own, instead of always just fixing their problems for them.  This is how the world really works.  We will not always have someone we can run to so we can "tattle" or to fix all our problems.  We grow up and need to be able to work things out with other people.  Can you imagine how much better a person will be able to do this in their adult life, if they started learning these skills as a young child.

One more thing with this we are constantly interrupting children.  If you walked up to an adult you would say excuse me.  If you wanted that adult to go somewhere with you, you would give them prior warning and probably ask them instead of demanding that they do something with you.
Children deserve this same amount of respect.  Tell them what the schedule will be like today, and because they are just understanding time, sometimes they need warnings a few minutes before changing activities, try using an hourglass (it is a very concrete representation of time for a child).  If they don't want to do something in the daily schedule, try to work out a compromise with them.  If you go to the doctor with me we can go to that park you really like afterward for lunch.

Usually what happens (because we are all busy and just don't even think about it) is a child is in the middle of discovering some really cool thing about their world or just happy and enjoying what they are doing and we come up to them and say time to go and start putting their coat on them.  They freak out!  They have had no warning and no time to finish up what they were doing.  Don't you hate it when you have something planned and it is interrupted by someone else and you don't get to finish what you planned for the day.  A child feels this way ALL THE TIME.

They plan to stack these blocks higher than they ever have before.  They get all the blocks out and bring a chair in from the other room to stand on.  They put some pillows on the ground for if they fall.  Just as they are about to start this project that they have set up and prepared and spent time thinking about and planning, Dad walks in and says come on we are going to grandma's.  Let's go.  I bet that child would have loved to have known that soon they would be going to grandma's before they started their project.  They probably would not have made such a lofty goal for an activity, maybe they would have just built their normal block tower or chosen another activity.  It is so important for children to learn to make goals and follow through with them, but when they are constantly interrupted and feel they have no control they may just stop making those goals.  Tomorrow they may have all day to make that really high block tower, but they won't even try because they are going to get everything ready for it and probably just be interrupted again, because they don't know what your plans are.  So why should they waste the effort?

I know what I am saying can seem harsh, but I am just trying to put us all in a child's shoes, so we can really appreciate how they feel sometimes.  The first time someone shared this with me it really opened my eyes and I thought it was worth sharing.

Sending Love your way,
Carly